Politik-

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/07/17/john.king.political.analysis/index.html

This article on Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court nominee, has left me thinking, "What the fuck, Mr. President?"

I laughed aloud after reading how fearlessly she marched into a Harlem business to arrest Fendi counterfeiters. Somehow, counterfeit designers do not conjure threatening images in my mind. But, for those of you who are frightened by such a thing, never fear. Sotomayor has the situation under control.

By the time I got to the story about the "high point" of her career, I was nearly in tears. Without hearing all of the evidence in the case, the lifelong Yankees fan ruled in favor of the Yankees. Doesn't that seem biased, Your Honor?

So, when the Republicans described Sotomayor as, "Someone who has embraced racial preference and set-asides," I can't exactly come to her defense. If she will cut a case short for the sake of her team, are there other, more pressing corners that she's willing to cut?

And how will she react when faced with cases that threaten the integrity of our country, rather than the integrity of Fendi and the Yankees? To say the least, she's in for a whole new ball game.

Because when you fall through windows

into someone else's story, you've no other choice but to be, be, be.
(And watch it all fall to pieces at your feet).

I know, it's trite. But I can't always be wrong. My brain won't slow down, so I can't get to sleep, but it's more than that. Because when you're eighteen, it's always more than that. Right? Am I right?

Every time this old house creaks, I lose a little bit of sanity.

There's so much more I'd like to say. But I'm an insomaniac. So I won't say a word.

Era tan diferente cuando estabas tu.

Quiero que me quieras.

Baby, you'll be on my mind-

-'til I kiss you next time.

1. I have 3.5 days of high school left.
2. I spent so long trying not to be "that girl." But it's all so tangible. I can't.
3. Six down, forty-four to go.
4. "I have been standing all my life in the
direct path of a battery of signals
the most accurately transmitted most
untranslatable language in the universe
I am a galactic cloud so deep so invo-
luted that a light wave could take 15
years to travel through me And has
taken I am an instrument in the shape
of a woman trying to translate pulsations
into images for the relief of the body
and the reconstruction of the mind." (Adrienne Rich)
5. Wanda Sykes made a good point.
6. ILHEI4VR

In the name of the best within us

My life in review:

10. "But, you see, the measure of the hell you're able to endure is the measure of your love." Francisco d'Anconia
9. "But I'm scared I'll get scared." Jesse Lacey, taken out of context
8. "The way things separate and grow together/ Never ceases to amaze me." Hannah Irvin, from "Feeling Red."
7. "I'm not that kind of girl." Beyonce Knowles, also taken out of context.
6. "Well, you're my favorite bird, and when you sing I really do wish that you'd wear my ring." Jesse Lacey, TOC, can you guess what's playing as I'm writing this?
5. "You can be someone who educates yourself, or you can believe that being negative is clever and being cynical is fashionable. You have a choice." Hillary Rodham Clinton
4."I think the reason I am important is that I know everything." Gertrude Stein
3. "Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." Eleanor Roosevelt
2. "I'm five. I can do anything." Cooper Spence
1. "But so long as I choose to go on living, I cannot desert a battle which I think is mine to fight." Dagny Taggart

Happily deranged

I have dreams in which I am dismembering myself. It's neither graphic nor a means of self-destruction. I just sit on the floor and unscrew my fingers, or unhinge my elbow, or take my shoulder out of its socket. I am so concentrated and methodic.

It's safe to infer that this dream is somehow related to my AP exams.

Simple gifts?

Well, my birthday is less than three months away, so I thought I'd go ahead and make a list of what I want. I provided links to make it easier. Thanks!

http://dvice.com/archives/2008/07/daliesque_melti.php

http://www.haberxpack.com/

http://www.pantalaine.com/

HRC for eternal dictator of a socialist USA.

Dear Obama,

Boy, don't try to front; I know just, just what you are.

Love,
Alex

Pack up; don't stray.

You know, it's not my place

to hold her down. But, it's hard for me to take a stand when I would take her any way I can.

Big Love Lullaby

I got a love so big, can you believe it?
I got a love so lucky, I could never take for granted

Such a sweet darling, ah with a good heart
Such a sweet darling, ah with a brave mind
You’ve got the world in your hands
Go running with it
Bring 'em your joy, bring 'em your brilliance,
Though they don’t deserve it.

I got a love like a lullaby It can sing me to sleep at night
I got a love so righteous, so righteous and innocent
I got a love like a joy ride
And the stereo, just might carry you home

How'd you ever know how to hurt me?

Go by, mad world.

Failure by design:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/17/bristol.palin.interview

Notice how Gov'nuh Palin is not asked to sit down. She barged in uninvited, kind of like back in August when she became part of every conversation I had. Jerk.

Anyway, all you pregnant teenagers, make the most of it. And, try to be abstinent from now on, thanks.

Oh, and Bristol, from the looks Mama Grizzly was giving you during that interview, it appears you were in for a whippin' when you got home. Hope you're okay!

And I'm tangled up in you.

The countdown:

10. My children will never be made to feel unloved or unaccepted, at least as far as I can help it.
9. "George Washington was a dirty liar."
8. I'm going to chain myself to the state capitol building until someone holds a new constitutional convention.
7. Pearls are classy.
6. I've started listening to terribly sappy love songs. And smiling. A lot.
5. My life finally started up again.
4. "I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind." I mean, really.
3. I get to see my favorite uncle on Saturday. Last time I talked to him, he told me that he would give me away at my wedding if my own father wouldn't "step up and be a man." I teared up a little.
2. I think I'm starting to believe in fate. Or maybe it's my attempt at optimism.
1. She's got a good hold on me.

If you want to understand exile, I mean true exile, read Kundera. If you want to understand loneliness, read Rand. If you don't want to understand at all, read Vonnegut.

But did you feel the spark when I touched your hand?

(You remind me of) home.

I can't help feeling like we're tearing this city apart before we move onto the next one (together). This weekend was absolutely gorgeous, so is the girl I spent it with. I feel like I'm falling, all the time. I am falling, all the time. I don't mind it though. I've kissed her good night every night for over a week. That, I believe, makes me the luckiest girl on the planet.

What if I were enough to keep her happy? And what if she wanted that, (me)?


I just want to be someone you know.

Comatose but audible

Under the Vulture-Tree

We have all seen them circling pastures,
have looked up from the mouth of a barn, a pine clearing,
the fences of our own backyards, and have stood
amazed by the one slow wing beat, the endless dihedral drift.
But I had never seen so many so close, hundreds,
every limb of the dead oak feathered black,


and I cut the engine, let the river grab the jon boat
and pull it toward the tree.
The black leaves shined, the pink fruit blossomed
red, ugly as a human heart.
Then, as I passed under their dream, I saw for the first time
its soft countenance, the raw fleshy jowls
wrinkled and generous, like the faces of the very old
who have grown to empathize with everything.


And I drifted away from them, slow, on the pull of the river,
reluctant, looking back at their roost,
calling them what I'd never called them, what they are,
those dwarfed transfiguring angels,
who flock to the side of the poisoned fox, the mud turtle
crushed on the shoulder of the road,
who pray over the leaf-graves of the anonymous lost,
with mercy enough to consume us all and give us wings.

-David Bottoms, in all of his glory

I keep singing that ol' refrain:

if you love something, give it away.




Someone tell me I'm not being naive.

I am a lion.

Anyway, spring is coming to slowly. There are birds to be watched, caverns to be toured, etc. All the while, my research paper hangs like a damn noose just above my head. (Graham Greene, be not proud.)

Dear T.S. Eliot,

Thank you. Also, have you seen Hannah's coffee stirrer?

Love,
Alex

And so it is.

After awhile, the thought of kissing her leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, like stale cigarettes and gin. And you hate the way her body feels and looks and is. So when you say you miss her, are you lying?

Death be not proud.

I'll be standing right here in the rain.

Hey, baby, I don't wanna be your superman. I just wanna be your man, and I'll be super, baby.

I want to shake their shoulders and say, "It's okay, it's okay." But what if I do? And is it better if I don't? It's nice to feel certain about something, at least.

I'd spend the rest of my nights on the floor if it meant...

It don't seem real.

Or maybe I'm too idealistic.

Consider this a letter that I never sent.

I bleed like you. I cry like you. I will die like you. I want what you want. I love like you. I'm more scared than you are. I feel so small when I walk through the halls. And I'd do everything differently if I had the choice.

Does that make me brave?

In other news, I love Hannah Irvin.

An' another thing:

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." Franklin D. Roosevelt

Okay, ignore the fact that I just dropped the most widely alluded to quote in US history. And forget that in context, it refers to a nation at war.

I never understood that fully until today. I can identify with it. Let me explain. We're okay. You and I are more than okay. But we're scared, so we push each other away. So, you don't have to worry about my leaving (because I won't, ever). Just don't get too scared, please. Please, please, please.

On and on from the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep, I'll be there by your side. Just you try and stop me.

In other news, that wonderful woman, Governor Sarah Palin (who will henceforth be known as Gran'ma Palin), is angry at Tina Fey. Whatever, Gran'ma. You loved the publicity. That's why you're pitching a fit now, it's an attempt to stay in the media. Look, in six years, you'll get your senate seat. Wait until 2020 to run for president. Ain't no thang.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Americans,

Why are do 54% of you still support this woman? Do you not know idiocy when you see it?

Love,
Alex

I squeeze my grape; I drink my wine.

Anyway, I guess it's been awhile.

I'm inclined to weep for Pharoah. I picture him, teeth gnashed, sinking with the oldest grief. How could he love a God that took his child? The tragedy is not that Moses was banned from Canaan. It's Pharoah, mourning the loss of his son, while the sea folded over him.

More than anything, I am terrified. I've never felt like I've belonged anywhere the way that I belong with her.

Thought I'd let everyone know: I'm ready for it. A house with a porch, Cohen, Moose, children. I'm ready for it, whenever you're ready for it.